In the night, he makes me stand under the shower and masturbates. In the beginning, I never used to feel anything. I used to just wonder why he was doing this
"In the night, he makes me stand under the shower and masturbates. In the beginning, I never used to feel anything. I used to just wonder why he was doing this. For the last two years, he has been doing this every day. Once it is over, he confesses and begs my pardon."
"In the beginning, I also used to think as to who would not like my husband. His outward appearance is that of a decent man. He is caring and kind. He is handsome and soft-hearted as well."
"However, I am going through a crisis now. Of course, we love each other, but I can’t tolerate this behaviour of my husband any longer."
The counsellor replied, "Human beings can be both good and bad. Can't you, as a lady with a lot of good qualities, adjust to your selfish husband? Can you not avoid a divorce?"
She became silent.
Adjustment and justification
Men and women are different. The way they think and behave depends on their genetic and hormonal makeup. Biology, chemistry, and hormones are responsible for this. The brains and stomachs of women who are involved in delivering and taking care of children and men who are involved in hunting food and protecting them are different. The hormone responsible for the development of femininity, oestrogen, shapes the feelings of motherhood and caregiving in women. The hormone progesterone promotes the feeling of caregiving in women.
The hormone responsible for the development of masculinity and male characteristics such as the tendency to attack, competitiveness, and stubbornness is testosterone. Men have a fighting mentality, and they often hide their emotional feelings. A woman’s brain is designed for co-operation, belief, and displaying feelings. That’s why women should focus on co-operation so that the family can stay together.
Of course, a number of arguments like this are beautifully presented to justify that the woman has to adjust. They also say that, as a good partner, a woman should respect the sexual orientation of her partner. A woman is recognized as a partner only if she acknowledges a man’s altered sexual interests and cravings. These are different tactics that counsellors employ to ensure that the woman remains silent within the socially accepted framework.
Through the counselling process, they strive to get back those women who are staying away from their families. Even today, the effort is to make women who deviate from socially enforced values feel guilty and live in compromise. They dig out concealed aspects and interpret them in such a way as to facilitate the survival of patriarchy.
The interpretation of man-woman behaviour which cements social awareness and psychological solutions are all traps set up by men. A woman who strays away from the way of life that society has created for her is labelled as having a "questionable" character. For example, women are more prone to suffering from a borderline personality disorder, according to clinical psychology. Those with borderline personality disorder have relationships with more than one partner, a tendency to do something without thinking, excessive love or dislike for someone, and insensitive behaviour. Though most men in our society have these characteristics, they are given special privileges.
Physiological and psychological perspectives that owe allegiance to the family framework established by society and male superiority are themselves different types of traps as far as women are concerned. Women are also often encouraged to tolerate everything for the sake of the family and to sacrifice their lives for the future of their children. Women who put up with everything and are tolerant are projected as role models.
How does society view the natural behaviour of women? A woman should be the epitome of generosity, be soft-spoken, and use simple language. They have to take care of their beauty and appearance and follow the established societal norms. Society imposes values in accordance with the basic perceptions that men have of women.
Instructions given during counselling sessions often idealize the traditional forms of behaviour of men and women. This type of counselling is a strategy that society employs to ensure the superiority of men. The practice of listening to a woman, assessing a situation, consoling her, and teaching her to forgive is aimed at establishing male chauvinism. That’s why they keep on stressing the importance of staying together as a family. Therefore, women should become wary if the counsellor even remotely hints that women should abide by what men say.
The genetic nature of humans opposes such societal controls. Men want to sow their seeds as far as possible. That’s what they focus on!
I also told you that I don’t have good thoughts or perceptions about anything. Mine is a wasted life. Please leave me alone. I don’t have anything else to tell you," she exploded.
Even if there is no reason to be anxious, the possibility of the human mind accepting the same is very low.
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Kochi, Calicut, Thrissur, Kannur, Kollam and Trivandrum
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